Save yo money fool! That is my second lesson to you. It might be more important than the first because if you don't save your money, you don't have to worry about trusting anyone with it. And you don't want to be broke, do you? So listen carefully and i will enlighten you with a bit of my money saving knowledge.
1. Don't have any friends. They are a money pit. No more, "hey bro, will you sponsor my horse for the Kentucky derby this year?" what you want to avoid. I find it easiest to not have any friends by becoming extremely loud in any situation involving a friend or friends. The louder you are, the more people hate you. Note: exceeding rudeness and body odor are equally effective
2. Vote republican. It doesn't matter your personal political preferences, if you vote republican, you will know the government will have your back when it comes to saving your money. Who says the top .001 percent doesn't deserve another yacht to complete their fleet? Not me, that's for sure.
3. Just carry your own golf clubs. Dreadful to imagine, yes, but when you begin to do it, you forget what it was like before. Caddies are a waste of money, and you will begin to find yourself spending an outrageous amount of it when you golf 6 days a week, as I do.
These are just a few suggestions, but believe me, there are many more. Its always important to remember to save yo money.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Lesson # 1 Be careful who you trust
This is your first lesson, so listen closely. Never trust no one. If you want to be successful in life, your going to have to fly solo. The sooner you can grasp this truth, the quicker you will become successfull. I would like to share a quick story with you to show you my personal experience with this important lesson.
I was alone in my mansion one night counting my money, something I always do when I can't fall asleep. I was just starting on my third billion when the phone rang. I set my money down and answered the phone. It was a farmiliar voice, my friend Charles. He sounded urgent and said he had gotten into some trouble at the casino and needed money fast. Being the billionair that I am, I am very accustomed to money not being a problem, so i told him that i would be down to the casino in 20 minutes with a million dollars. We hung up and I proceeded to get in the Rolls and head down to the boats. As soon as i parked he was at the door of my car. He looked frenzied and kept asking me to hurry. I was not alarmed because this was normal behavior for someone who was about to be beaten by mobsters. I walked in the back door with my sack-o-cash and was joined by 5 other suspicious looking characters. One man with a large mustache and a biting case of halatosis said, "hey chump, give me your money." And I of course said no. So he and his four henchmen all surrounded me. I laughed to myself because little did they know, along with being tremendously wealthy and a world renound golfer, i was a blackbelt in 12 matial arts. So i proceeded to "bring it" to them and, well, we'll just say that at the end of the night, my blazer had a considerably smaller amount of dirt on it than theirs.
So, in conclusion, never trust no one, and your millions will continue to pile. Or in my case, billions.
I was alone in my mansion one night counting my money, something I always do when I can't fall asleep. I was just starting on my third billion when the phone rang. I set my money down and answered the phone. It was a farmiliar voice, my friend Charles. He sounded urgent and said he had gotten into some trouble at the casino and needed money fast. Being the billionair that I am, I am very accustomed to money not being a problem, so i told him that i would be down to the casino in 20 minutes with a million dollars. We hung up and I proceeded to get in the Rolls and head down to the boats. As soon as i parked he was at the door of my car. He looked frenzied and kept asking me to hurry. I was not alarmed because this was normal behavior for someone who was about to be beaten by mobsters. I walked in the back door with my sack-o-cash and was joined by 5 other suspicious looking characters. One man with a large mustache and a biting case of halatosis said, "hey chump, give me your money." And I of course said no. So he and his four henchmen all surrounded me. I laughed to myself because little did they know, along with being tremendously wealthy and a world renound golfer, i was a blackbelt in 12 matial arts. So i proceeded to "bring it" to them and, well, we'll just say that at the end of the night, my blazer had a considerably smaller amount of dirt on it than theirs.
So, in conclusion, never trust no one, and your millions will continue to pile. Or in my case, billions.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Introduction
Our assignment for WritersWorkshop is to create a blog and combine two of our loves. Writing automatically being one, and the other for us to decide. The whole weekend i spent trying to think of what to write about, and pulling out of my four car garage in the Maserati on my lake front estate this morning, it came to me. Money. My one true love. And so i shall write about money, and in a series of small lessons, i will teach you the many marks of success, so you might some day become a man of prestigious accomplishments and billion dollar corporations like myself.
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